Evidence, Illness, Glory

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what kind of legacy I would leave if my life ended today. I’ve come up with a list of things I hope the world would see. But I’ve also come up with a list of things I’m afraid the world would see instead.

A dear friend of mine lost her battle with cancer about two weeks ago. The legacy she left behind is absolutely incredible. She loved, lived, and served in many states, countries, hospitals, churches and small groups. As a young girl said at her memorial service, my friend lived and died saying to Jesus, “Over here, I’m open!”

My life hasn’t been what I thought it would be. When I was ten I thought I’d marry a farmer and live next door to my parents and our neighbors who were my best adventure buddies in the world. At age 16 I thought I’d marry the man whispering sweet nothings in my ear. At 18 I thought I’d go to college and start a new life, with new friends, new perspectives and set a new course. At 25 I thought my life was over and I’d die still living with my parents. At 28 I thought I’d live in Nigeria forever and make my home among the people I loved in the country I loved.

None of these came true. And most of them I believe did not advance because of the mighty angels who surround me and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Today I live in Charlotte, North Carolina and I work as a missionary with SIM USA in the recruiting department. I get to be a “friend” to missionaries, future, present and retired. It’s an amazing privilege and I love it. I really, really do!

Yet, I find myself looking for the evidence, the fruit of Jesus Christ, I have produced and in my almost 30 years. Yesterday I listened to another list of things my sweet friend, Sarah accomplished, took part in, or led in her 34 years. I could tell you how amazing she was but my words would be inadequate. Just take my word for it when I say, she was the epitome of a faithful servant of Jesus Christ.

As I sat at her local memorial service yesterday, I thought to myself, “Meg, if you died today, would the world see in you what they saw in Sarah?” This was my exact answer:

“No. There’s not enough evidence. I need more evidence. More glory belongs to the Father. More people need to hear the name of Jesus come from my lips. I must do more. Much more.”

And while this felt like an uplifting moment from the Spirit instead of a condemning one, there’s a catch.

I’m sick. Very, very sick. And although my battle looks nothing like what sweet Sarah went through, it is a daily war that prevents me from doing the things I believe I am called to do. For now, at least.

So yesterday after the service, as I climbed back into my bed, eating the dinner prepared for me by another dear friend who has been the best nurse/caregiver/husband/partner a girl could ask for, I cried and told her my heartache; that my life doesn’t hold enough evidence. That I need to do more, that I must do more, yet feel shackled to a bed that’s become my enemy.

I was in a slippery slope of comparison and because this friend loves me and Jesus, she pulled me out, brushed me off, and offered an alternative.

My platform. Sweet Sarah was a Medical Missionary in Zambia with a long history of service before she even hit the field. Her platform was huge! Global! Praise God! And my friend reminded me that although my platform isn’t necessarily global, or as wide a net as Sarah’s, it can be just as impactful.

And please don’t misunderstand me. I am not for one moment trying to lift Sarah up to the level of our Father. She’d smack me for even thinking such things, if she were still here! What I am trying to do is pay forward the legacy of glorifying God that Sarah left behind.

I know how to do that in private. I believe do it well; through prayer, worship, journaling, meditation, etc. But because of my physical limitations, I’ve been at a loss of how to do that publicly. Yet, the Lord has really been pressing on my heart to give Him more glory in the eyes of the public, and tell so many more of His precious Son, Jesus Christ.

My platform. I’m not exactly sure what that is but I think this site could be a great place to start. And there is no better time than now to begin. So if you’re still reading this, I want to share with you few things that I believe the Lord deserves glory for and a few desire/visions I believe He has called me to that He will accomplish in the future.


 

“Sometimes God allows what He hates to produce that which He loves.” I am very sick and the doctors are not exactly sure why my body is breaking down, but glory be to God! This is purposed. This is His doing. He will bring goodness and evidence from this!

I have been ordered by my medical team to take two full weeks off of work to allow my body to rest and hopefully heal completely. Honestly, this does not bring me much delight, but glory be to God! He knows what my body needs. He has these two weeks planned for us to grow closer. This, too, is purposed by Him.

I have experienced the responsibility and the actuality of motherhood many times in the past 15 years. It’s a major part of my heart’s design by my perfect Father. It’s a deep well that my Father knows longs to be filled. My illness and the Enemy says this will never happen again. But my God says, “Trust me. There are children ahead for you.” So glory be to God for His goodness. All glory and praise to Him for how and when He will bring this vision to fruition!

My mind says this illness will never be in remission again. The Enemy says I am doomed to live shackled to a bed that never allows dreams or adventures to take place. But my God shouts, “LIES!” My soul magnifies the Lord for His allowance of this illness! This is purposed and planned! This is His doing and He will use it for my good and His glory!

My heart has a large open space for Muslim and Indian women. And my apartment complex is full of them, what a coincidence! Praise God for the courage I pray He will give me to begin a relationship with these women and children. And glory be to Him for the work He will do in their hearts when they hear the story of His Son and discover their own worth in the eyes of their One True Savior!

Hallelujah, Glory be to our great God.

 

 

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. Beautiful writings Meg. I can feel your heart’s cry. It makes me yearn too for being used of God, but knowing I need to wait for those doors to open to His perfect will. That waiting and His preparation for my soul is to feel the clay being kneaded! Ouch, not always my choice, but always needful.

  2. Blessings on your life, Meg! My wife also struggles with immune issues, although hers are diagnosed (Sjögren’s Syndrome and Graves Disease) and not nearly as exhausting and painful as yours sound. Even so, prayers ascending from South Africa!

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